Playoff Teams Ranked by City

Written by Britt on April 18, 2019

East

  1. Brooklyn
    • Manhattan’s cooler sibling. Objectively the best of New York City’s boroughs, Brooklyn always told Manhattan they wouldn’t fit in at the parties they went to.
  2. Toronto
    • Did I rate Canada too high? Is this only because of Drake?  Is it always cold?  I don’t know, I’ve never been.
  3. Milwaukee
    • Oh, you drink beer? Milwaukee says you’re welcome.
  4. Boston
    • They have tea parties, so it’s basically England West (if you’re into that). They call themselves “New England” even though that’s not a thing.  Historical and shit.
  5. Detroit
    • Oh, you drive a car? Detroit says you’re welcome.
  6. Indianapolis
    • What happens here besides the NFL Combine and the Indy 500? …Daytona 500 >
  7. Philadelphia
    • The President moved for a reason. That’s good enough for me. Their greatest icon is a fictional movie character.
  8. Orlando
    • Is Orlando a city or just a clusterfuck of tourists? My opinion is the latter.

 

West

  1. Denver
    • Objectively the best “land-locked” state. Doesn’t get the same beer-credit that Milwaukee gets, but it’s pretty cool when the can changes color to show that it’s as cold as the Rockies.
  2. San Antonio
    • The Venice of Texas. Impossible to remember the Alamo when no one knew about it in the first place.
  3. San Francisco
    • The Golden Gate Bridge (…the bridge is red…) and the Full House house. But the cost of living will make you pull an uncle Joey and say “Cut it out.”
  4. Los Angeles
    • Would be higher on the list if it didn’t always take so long to get to LAX. Should it count against LA that my favorite part about the city is leaving it and going to the beach?
  5. Portland
    • Craft Beer, artisanal products, farm to table restaurants, Portland has a culture distinctly their own. In a hotly contested West, Portland has a fair claim that they are ranked too low.
  6. Houston
    • Overshadowed by Austin, San Antonio, and Dallas, Houston is the Texas city you’re not talking about, but should be. Paul Wall effectively made Houston the capitol of Grillz.
  7. Oklahoma City
    • Home of the Women’s College World Series, I can’t think of why you’d need to go to Oklahoma but if you have to, Oklahoma City is your best (only?) option.
  8. Salt Lake City
    • You know, it’s actually a picturesque city. But I got weird vibes when I was there.